


Hold my Love and Cherish it

by awesome_goddess_of_mischief



Series: Angsty Tony One-Shots [20]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Tony, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Multi, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, One Shot, Requited Love, Self-Esteem Issues, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:47:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24406057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesome_goddess_of_mischief/pseuds/awesome_goddess_of_mischief
Summary: After all, in a universe where Love was a physical thing, it was easy to see when someone was a little messed up. Love was an item you held close until you met someone to give it to.The Team shares their Love, all except Tony. What is he hiding?Can Steve and Bucky get their heads out of their asses?((This is a one shot and in no way related to the other stories in these series.))
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark
Series: Angsty Tony One-Shots [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/276135
Comments: 50
Kudos: 908





	Hold my Love and Cherish it

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is something different yet familiar. A new Angsty-Tony-One-Shot. One I had in mind for a long time.  
> I feel like my writing has grown enough to give this AU the story it deserves and I really hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I put quite a bit of time into this and it was even beta read by the lovely @highladyfeyreofthenightcourt!
> 
> So enjoy reading!

The Avengers were a damaged group of people- a time bomb waiting to happen, as Bruce had once put it.

After all, in a universe where Love was a physical thing, it was easy to see when someone was a little messed up. Love was an item you held close until you met someone to give it to. Some describe it as red glass, though others say it's much more sturdy than that. Shaped like a heart, or, what a poet once described as a heart. The symbol of love, desire, and so much more. It _could_ be sturdy, but overall it was a fragile thing.

Love could be accepted in many forms. It could grow or shrink, or be split into multiple parts. A child was born with a small seed of their parent's love which would eventually grow into their own Love. You could give your Love to close friends, to relatives, to lovers, to children, to anyone you wanted. But the more people you gave it to, the bigger the risk you would get nothing in return...

* * *

Steve Rogers had lost his Love decades ago when Bucky fell off the train- holding all of it. Just like James' body, Steve's Love was never recovered. Permanently losing all your Love was a horrible thing. You lost hope of ever trusting someone else. 

No one said it out loud, but everyone knew losing his Love was probably the reason he sent the plane into the water with himself in it. He may have cared deeply for Peggy Carter, but he would never be able to give her his Love. 

After being found in the future, Steve was a different man than before. He was colder, more distant, with an emptiness in his eyes that could scare a loving person. He tried to be the kind, caring man he'd been before, but it was a struggle when the days seemed endless and life hopeless.

Then there was Bruce Banner, whose Love rested in the safe hands of Betty Ross. The scientist didn't trust himself with it, didn't trust the Hulk with it. He was terrified of losing his Love to the Hulk's hands, so he begged Betty to keep it safe for him. Which she did. She offered her Love in return, but Bruce wouldn't take it, afraid the Other Guy would hurt her too.

Natasha Romanoff had her Love locked away... somewhere. No one knew where and she didn't talk about it. She kept it safe by herself, not trusting anyone else to hold some for her. Not even Clint Barton, who carried his Love around everywhere. The archer had a large chip broken off his Love, a part he would never get back- lost when Phil Coulson died. He also had a large crack down the middle from the time his brother betrayed him, but otherwise, his Love was pretty sturdy- it could handle what life had thrown at it.

Thor, son of Odin, had an enormous Love, spread into _many_ smaller parts. His parents, his friends, even his brother all held a piece. He didn't know if he would ever get his Love back from his brother, but he didn't mind. Maybe it could help Loki find his way back home.

  
  
  


Now, no one knew what Tony Stark's Love looked like, though rumours ran rampant. He had kept it hidden from the press, not wanting them to know the truth.

His Love was tiny. It was a small fragile thing, shattered so many times it was only kept together with tape. Unlike the children around him, his Love never grew much beyond the small spark he had gotten from his mother. He knew he was damaged, not able to give away his Love to the people he wanted to give it to.

You could imagine his surprise when it grew, just a bit, in college when he met Rhodey, and they exchanged small parts of their Love. It _grew,_ grew to the small thing it was today. But with growth came destruction. Thinking his Love something big enough to give away, he gave it to his first girlfriend; Sunset Bain. 

That was a Mistake.

She held onto it, used it to hurt Tony, held his whole Love in her hand.

By the time he found out she had stolen his work, he begged for his Love back. She threw it at his feet, breaking it clean in half.

That wasn't the last time he gave his Love to the wrong person. After Tiberius Stone there was Obadiah, then Maya Hansen, followed by Pepper. Of course, Pepper wasn’t the “wrong person” _perse_ , but she did leave his heart just a bit more shattered than before they met.

Now he was Iron Man, a genius playing the _part_ of a hero in a team of superheroes. He _had_ to be strong. So his Love was locked away in a box under his bed and forgotten.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Things were changing for the Avengers. They had grown closer in the past few years, sharing stories of their Love and life. Tony kept things vague, not sharing much aside from the fact that his Love had gotten damaged so now he kept it somewhere safe. Just like Natasha.

Clint was the first to share his Love. He gave them all a small piece. It was an emotional moment. Natasha promised - in Russian - to keep it safe. Bruce only accepted after everyone insisted he would be fine. Steve held it like it was the most precious thing in the universe, the small piece of red looking even smaller in his large hands. Thor thanked Clint loudly, smacking him on the back. Tony, Tony tried to act casual. People who paid attention would be able to see the emotions in his eyes, but the Avengers weren't paying attention.

"Aw, thanks Katniss, I'll cherish it forever," the genius said with a big grin.

Clint rolled his eyes and Natasha frowned. "What, dump it on a pile with the other pieces of Love gotten from your _admirers_?" The redhead said coldly.

Tony's chest ached but he simply winked, "I'll find you a nice spot on top of the pile." He got up and headed to his room.

"Don't make me regret giving that to you!" Clint shouted at his retreating back.

Tony sighed and pulled the dusty box from under his bed before carefully opening it. It contained only his small shattered Love and the little piece of Rhodey's Love. Now he could add Clint's little piece as well. For a moment, he brushed his fingers along his fragile little Love, tempted to take it out and share it with his team.

Then he thought of the Avengers' massive Loves compared to his pathetic piece and quickly closed the lid. No, he couldn’t.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Thor was next. Not even a day after Clint shared some of his Love, Thor was found handing them pieces of what he had left. "I gave a piece to my lady Jane. I wish I could give my shield brothers a larger piece! But alas, perhaps in the future I will have more Love to spare than this little piece!"

The sound of laughter and glasses clinking together filled the room as the team celebrated another step of growing closer. Tony excused himself early, telling them he had an early flight the next day, and went to sit on his bedroom floor with his little box of Love.

Thor's so-called "little piece" was more than half the size of Tony's entire Love. The engineer put it in the box and tried to ignore the fact that he would never be able to match the Love his team was giving him.

He went to bed feeling cold.

  
  


* * *

  
  


_"...Bucky?"_

_"Who the hell is Bucky?"_

  
  


* * *

  
  


Of course, Tony was in Japan for business when the fucking Winter Soldier popped up and turned out to be none other than James Fucking Buchanan Barnes. In fact, no one told him about the whole mess until he walked back into his tower and almost repulsored the stranger standing in his kitchen in the face.

"Wow, Tony, don't shoot! That's Bucky! He's a friend!"

Barnes was standing in the back, awkwardly holding a box of cereal he had been eating from, and Steve had thrown himself in front of Tony's gauntlet. Of course he had.

"...What?" Yeah very intelligent, but really, why did no one tell him about the ex-assassin now living in his house?

Steve relaxed, tension leaving him, and hurriedly explained. Hydra captured him, tortured him for decades, brainwashed him until only a shell remained. Tony ran a hand across his face, he was way too tired for this. "Fine, but if he breaks something, you fix it."

  
  


* * *

  
  


Things were... _awkward_ around Barnes. He seemed to be scared of Tony, and the engineer didn't get it. He had already apologised about the kitchen incident, and he hadn't been cold to the stranger as far as he knew.

At least Steve was looking so much better. It turned out Barnes had broken his Hydra conditioning more often than those assholes realised. On one of such occasions, a _long_ time ago, he had the clarity of mind to hide his own and Steve's Love. It had still been there; mostly intact. Steve had locked himself away for a few days, but when he came back he was a new man.

His smiles were warm and kind, he gave his touches freely. He hugged his teammates and held Barnes' hand. Tony liked this new Steve. A lot.

It seemed as if the coldness of their first meeting had been forgotten and Steve was spending plenty of time in Tony's workshop.

He claimed it was "inspiring" to watch the man work, so Tony let him. Besides, the company was nice.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Steve handed them all a big piece of Love not much later. The big chunk was accepted with a shy smile quickly covered by a witty remark. The captain chuckled and pulled Tony in a hug, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Tony asked softly, surprised and confused.

"For what I said when we met, there is no excuse for the way I judged you without even knowing you and-"

"Steve, thank you, I'm sorry too, and I forgive you."

The blinding smile warmed Tony's heart.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Surprisingly, it was Bruce who shyly handed them a piece of his Love next. He didn't do it in the group, but one on one, handing each team member a sliver of Love with a smile.

Tony thanked his science bro with as much emotion as he could muster, and was happy to see it seemed to register.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Natasha came next. She didn't even give it in person but left it for them to find with a note that just had their name and hers on it. 

Tony found it on his desk in his workshop and carefully picked it up. It was a sharp piece, you'd have to be careful not to cut yourself on her Love, but quite large.

Now that Tony's box was filled with pieces of Love, his own Love looked even smaller. He picked it out and almost peeled the tape off to remove a few pieces. No, he wanted to do something special. He'd get them dinner, tomorrow, yes, he was going to give his team a bit of Love.

  
  


* * *

  
  


"Did you see that?"

"I don't think I've ever seen a Love that small..."

"No wonder the guy went rogue, I would become a villain with a Love _that_ tiny."

Tony's heart ached with each word, shame colouring his cheeks which were luckily covered by his helmet.

They had fought some small scale villain, throwing magic at everyone and shouting about world domination - you know, the usual stuff. It was a pretty easy fight. But somewhere between getting the man to stop shooting and cuffing him, he had dropped his Love. A random Shield agent had quickly returned it, but everyone had seen how small it was already and judged accordingly.

It wasn't even that tiny, Tony thought bitterly as he heard his teammates talk about how people with such small Loves were doomed to turn into a villain. 

His was smaller.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Tony sat on his bed, staring at his tiny damaged Love and realised he could never share any of it with his team. Even if he split it into five, or six if you counted Bucky, each piece would be a lot smaller than anything they had given him. And he'd have nothing left...

If they realised how small his Love was, he'd definitely be kicked out. No hero, no _good_ person would have a Love that small. Tony clutched his Love close to his heart and let a few tears fall.

It was a lost cause.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Bucky was quite the charmer once he got used to living in the tower with the rest. Being with Steve and having his Love returned to him did wonders for his mental health.

The ex-assassin smiled more and more each day, clearly smitten with Steve and getting along great with the rest.

With Steve spending that much time in Tony's workshop, Bucky was often found joining him.

Tony didn't really understand; they were together, they didn't need to hang around in his workshop anymore. But, he didn't argue. They talked sometimes and Tony had told Jarvis to keep the music down when one of the Brooklyn boys was around. He considered them close friends at least.

Maybe more if he was being honest.

  
  


"Hydra talked about you a lot. They tried sending multiple spies to convert you to their side..." Bucky confessed one late night, hanging on the couch in Tony's workshop, slowly getting drunk on his expensive whiskey. Tony had long given up on getting any work done that day, choosing to pour himself a drink as well, joining Bucky on the couch.

"Huh, I don't think I've ever realised that," the genius muttered, wondering if he had any Hydra agents working for him right now and making a mental note to have Jarvis run an extra security sweep later.

Bucky scoffed and took a long sip from his drink. "They never got anywhere close to you as far as I know. It was one of the things they were insanely bitter about so obviously they complained about it a _lot_. After- after you told the world you were Iron Man they used their influence in Shield to get as much intel as possible. They sent me to spy on you, to try and find your weak spots." Bucky kept talking, only stopping to drink more. He clearly needed to get this off his chest and Tony was more than willing to listen.

"...they warned me before I left. They showed me video footage of your missions and told me you were dangerous and would tear me apart the moment you saw me."

"James..." Tony whispered shocked. "I would never-"

"I know," Bucky interrupted as he poured them both another drink. "I know, _now_ , but I didn't back then. Hydra was _scared_ of you, Tony, terrified even. That made _me_ terrified at first because- because I thought I was Hydra. But then I wasn't. I wanted to be as far away from Hydra as possible so I told Steve I'd only come with him if he brought me to the tower. Here, with _you_. I was still scared of turning back into the soldier, of being found by Hydra and pushed back into it. I needed to be close to the person who could hold me back if needed. And Steve... _god_... Stevie is amazing, but he holds back while fighting me. If I was a danger to anyone, you wouldn't hold back."

Tony wanted to argue. Wanted to claim Bucky was safe and he would never hurt him. But that would be a lie. It was true. If Bucky had turned back into the Winter Soldier, Tony would have taken him out, or died trying. He swallowed thickly and downed the remainder of his drink. "For the record, I would _really_ try not to hurt you any more than necessary."

Bucky laughed and took a sip straight from the bottle. "For the record, thank you."

That startled Tony, he lowered his glass and frowned.

Bucky poured him a drink and smiled, "For making me feel safe."

  
  
  


They got smashingly drunk after that, sharing slurred stories of the horrors they had been through. Tony told him about Afghanistan while Bucky ensured Tony he wasn't scared of him anymore. 

They woke up under a blanket Steve had put there, totally hungover.

  
  
  


Something had been fixed that night and Tony realised he was lost.

These days, he would often find himself staring at the couple and wishing he could be with them, especially when they invited him along for ice cream or coffee.

But it didn't matter. They were together and his Love wasn't big enough to give away.

  
  


* * *

  
  


It was a gathering like many before, the team lounging around the room, drinking and laughing and sharing stories, when Bucky cleared his throat and asked for a moment.

"It's only been a few months since I joined, but I- you guys made me feel safe and welcome. You made me feel like home," the brunet said before pulling a handful of pieces from his pocket. "I wanted to give you guys some Love?" he phrased it more like a question than a statement.

Steve was grinning widely, already holding a large shard in his hand. Natasha kissed Bucky's cheek while accepting, Thor hugged him tightly, Clint clasped his shoulder, and Bruce smiled shily. Then Bucky turned to Tony and held it out.

Tony smiled and accepted the Love.

The others quickly ran to the places they hid their Love and returned with shards and pieces of various sizes to give to Bucky. Barnes had tears in his eyes as he accepted them all, thanking them all with a warm heart.

Then he looked at Tony again and the genius felt his throat tighten. "I'll be right back."

  
  


The engineer went to his room, heart pounding. He saw the looks he got from the team. They thought he was heartless or stingy, maybe even the sociopath Nat had described him as in her report. After all, they had all exchanged Love, except for Tony. 

He opened his little box and carefully pulled out his Love. The tape came off pretty easy after all these years, and he was left with six pieces of roughly the same size. They were small, smaller than any of the other pieces currently in his box, but it was all he had. Every last drop of his Love.

Tony held the pieces close to his chest as he made his way back to the team.

He gave them their shards in the order they had given their pieces to him. Clint, Thor, Steve, Bruce, Natasha, Bucky.

Their reactions were... not great. Clint looked at the shard with a raised eyebrow, Natasha turned it over as if to look for more, Bruce looked hurt, Thor confused, and Steve and Bucky were sharing looks.

Tony cleared his throat. "So, this was great, back to work everyone! Oh right, you guys don't have work, but I do. I'll see you all at dinner."

He fled the room and locked his workshop behind him. Yeah, that went _great_.

  
  


* * *

  
  


"-doesn't think we're worth more than this? After all this time?" Clint's voice could be heard all the way into the hallway, where Tony was frozen on the spot. He sounded hurt.

"I agree the piece is rather small. I would have expected our generous friend to be more... generous?" Thor agreed.

"...guys, we don't know the situation, maybe he didn't have a lot left to give." Bruce came to his defence, voice soft.

"What, you think he gave all his one-night stands a piece?" Natasha asked coldly.

Tony swallowed tickly, glad to be standing out of sight, and quickly left before he could hear any more.

  
  
  


"That's _not_ what I meant," Bruce said, "There are a million reasons for someone to have lost some Love during their life, we don't know what happened and we shouldn't judge him."

"Bruce is right," Steve cut in. "Judging him doesn't help the situation. We should be honoured he gave us his Love, not be acting like spoiled children or bullies; demanding more.”

  
  


* * *

Tony considered asking for his Love back. After all, they clearly didn't want it. And now he had nothing left to give. 

He stared at the pieces in the little box and sighed. He should probably give them back.

He picked up the big one he had gotten from Steve and held it up against the light. It really was beautiful. After taking a deep breath, he put it back in the box and got up. They deserved their Love back so they could give it to someone else. Someone more deserving.

The rest of the team was gathered in the living room, chatting and arguing on which movie to watch.

"Hey Tones, you can settle the debate, Lord of the Rings or Star Wars?" Clint asked with a grin.

Tony just cleared his throat and opened his box. "I just dropped by to return these. I just figured; I don't really need them, and you all have people to give them to instead." He gently put the pieces on the table. Six different shapes and sizes. Some cleanly broken off, some violently broken. It left Tony's little box with one little shard, the one he had gotten from Rhodey so long ago.

And he hadn't spoken to his friend in months, busy as he was with his work in the military. Maybe it was time to give that one back as well.

He picked it up from the box and stared at it, captivated by the red colour. His first and last Love, how fitting.

"Who's is that?" Bucky's soft voice cut through Tony's focus and snapped him back to the situation at hand.

He quickly put the shard back in the box. "It's from Rhodey."

"Where are the others?" Natasha asked curiously.

At Tony's questioning look she elaborated, "the other pieces?"

"Don't have any," Tony said as casually as possible, even throwing in a shoulder shrug. "This is it."

The silence turned awkward when Tony briefly shook the box and just the single piece rattled around in it. "I should get back to work, if you guys need me I-"

"Hang on, what do you mean you don't have any other Love?" Clint but in with a frown.

Tony shrugged again, "just what I said Birdbrain, this is it."

"How about _your_ Love? Do you keep it in a separate box?"

Tony felt his heart stop. This was it, this was the moment of truth. He could either lie and risk being caught by Natasha, or tell the truth and watch them walk away. He looked at Steve and Bucky who were watching him with concerned looks in their eyes and swallowed thickly. He had kept his secret long enough.

"I would think you'd know what my Love looks like, seeing as you guys have all of it," he tried to snark but it fell flat. He just felt so tired. Tony ran a hand over his face and looked away when Steve took a step forward.

"Tony... What happened?"

"...life?" The engineer scoffed, feeling a wave of anger as he took in their pitying looks. "What do you want me to say, Rogers? Do you honestly think _Howard_ would give me any Love? I was never good enough to get any of _his_ Love, and my mother barely had any Love left after Howard destroyed all she gave him. Who else would be left? Obediah, who had me kidnapped and tortured and tried to have me killed? The many investors simply leeching off of me? Or would you rather believe the press, and expect my past lovers to actually _give me shit_?" Tony was ranting, he knew he was, but now that he started, he couldn't stop.

"I am Tony _Fucking_ Stark, I am Iron Man, Merchant of Death. I don't _need_ Love."

  
  


He stepped back and put his sunglasses on. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I-"

"No," Bucky snapped and glared at Tony while crossing his arms. "No that's all bullshit and I will _not_ excuse you. You stay right there and _listen_."

Tony blinked a few times in surprise but stayed frozen on the spot.

  
  


"Tony, everyone needs Love, and you deserve all the Love in the world. And, take it from two guys who lived for decades without any of it, the amount of Love you hold does not define you. But life is very empty without any of it."

Steve stepped forward as well and reached out to rest a hand on Tony's arm. "I was still Captain America without any of my Love. I still tried to do the right things even though I felt cold and alone," Steve shared softly. "You are a good man Tony, with or without Love."

Tony took a step back and cleared his throat. "I- I need a moment, alone, to think."

He was finally able to leave the room without being stopped and headed straight to his workshop. 

The elevator doors had almost closed when a hand pushed them open. Natasha.

She joined him and held out the different shards of Love Tony had left on the table. "Take these with you, _Antoshka_ ,” she said softly, pushing them into his arms when he didn’t take them right away.

He didn’t know what to say to her. 

She had spied on him, written an evaluation based on his ruined state of mind when he was dying, and stabbed him in the neck. That damn report described him as a sociopath because he “didn’t show any sign of Love” and she wasn’t even that far off. With the little amount of Love he had, he might as well be.

Their friendship had been strained since the beginning. And though Tony had tried to get closer to her, it never really worked out.

“I owe you an apology.”

Tony looked up from where he was staring at the shards of Love at Natasha her statement, but didn’t say anything.

The Black Widow had her arms crossed and she was looking uncharacteristically _awkward_. “I wrote the report because I knew it would make it easier for Fury to convince you to donate more money and gear.”

“You mean _manipulate_ me?” Tony asked bitterly, already knowing the answer and only getting it confirmed when Natasha nodded.

“We needed your resources… but it was all bullshit. You were just another assignment and I blindly followed orders.”

Tony looked away. Should that make him feel better? He knew Natasha wasn’t lying and that only hurt more.

“Tony… I _am_ sorry. Following orders is what I did- _do_. After the Red Room, I couldn’t tell the difference between a good or bad order. So I joined Shield, trusting them to help me clear the red from my ledger. I trusted them to only give me _good_ orders and they turned out to be _Hydra_.”

Tony ran a hand through his hair, carefully holding the shards close with his other hand. “Nat…”

“No- wait- let me finish, please.”

Tony nodded.

“I didn’t think I could trust any of you at first. Even as I worked side by side with you all, with Clint, I was still _loyal_ to Shield.

And then Shield fell and it was a fucking mess, and you still didn’t kick us out.”

“I would never-”

“I _know_ , Antoshka, I know _now_. You could have judged me so easily for following Hydra orders for all those years. But you _didn’t_. You trusted me, you looked at me and somehow believed I would have your back. I know you’ve looked through all the Shield files, you’ve seen what I have done and you still gave me a home.

That’s why I shared my Love.”

Tony’s fingers tightened around the sharp shard of Nat’s Love, the pain of the edge cutting in his palm was grounding him. “I know you tried to do the right thing Nat, you’ve just been… surrounded by assholes.”

Natasha rested a hand on Tony’s wrist, looking him in the eye. “Then offer yourself the same kindness you have offered me.”

Tony almost flinched at the words which hit something inside of him. He felt so close to breaking, but didn’t feel the dread he expected.

“It’s no excuse for what I’ve said, but I’ve been an idiot. The Love you are all holding, that’s all I had. I thought… I was an idiot and thought you were hiding your Love away from us. I was terrified you didn’t think we- that _I_ was worth more of your Love. I didn’t want you to find out how little Love I had. I’m so sorry Tony.”

Tony used his free arm to pull Natasha in a hug, letting out a shuddering breath when she relaxed in his arms and returned the embrace.

“Looks like we’re both idiots,” the engineer mumbled in her red hair.

The spy laughed and it sounded a bit watery but when they pulled back Tony couldn’t see any tears.

“We’ll start a club.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Tony wanted to get smashingly drunk, but Natasha stopped him and made him sit on his couch so she could clean the cut on his palm.

“I feel like I should point out the irony of me _literally_ cutting myself on your Love,” Tony said with a smirk.

Natasha simply rolled her eyes and dabbed some more disinfectant on the cut, making Tony hiss from the sting.

“Don’t diss the person holding the alcohol, _glupyy_.”

Tony mimed zipping his mouth shut and throwing away the key though he kept the large grin on his face.

There was an intense relief in knowing he wasn’t the only one on the team with similar issues. And he was just glad he understood Nat a bit more.

Something she said did pop up in his mind, he _had_ read all the Shield files. It wasn’t exactly what happened, no one could read thousands of reports, not even him. But he had Jarvis scan through all of them and filter out the important ones.

Like missions his team members went on.

Or the murder of his parents.

That had been a tough pill to swallow.

He wondered if Bucky remembered confessing during their drunken night. The way he swallowed his sobs, crying silently, words mere whispers as he spoke of a cold December night.

Tony hadn’t brought it up again. He knew there was a video, but refused to watch it. The Winter Soldier killed his parents, and Bucky had nothing to do with it. That’s all he needed to know.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Natasha interrupted his thoughts, making him realise she had finished wrapping his hand.

“You do realise my thoughts are definitely worth more than a penny right?”

Natasha shrugged, a small smirk on her face, “consider it a family discount.”

Tony huffed amused and shook his head. “I was just thinking about the file Hydra had on my parents,” he said carefully, keeping an eye on Natasha’s response.

She nodded. “Have you talked to them about it?”

Of course, she knew, she knew everything. Tony didn’t know what to feel about that, but let it go for now. “Bucky briefly brought it up when we got drunk, he apologised…

I accepted it.”

Natasha frowned. “That’s- I don’t like being wrong, Anthoska.”

Tony raised a questioning eyebrow.

“I knew you knew, I thought you didn’t pursue a relationship with them because of it. But if you have forgiven Bucky, why are you-”

“Wait, what? I don’t- why would I- I’m not-”

“Oh, _brat_ …” The black widow patted his knee and got up. “You’re an idiot Antoshka.”

“ _Hey_ , certified genius here-”

“Yes, you’re very smart, and also an idiot. They love you, dumbass. And you love them. I’m going to let them in, James’ pout gives me a headache.”

“Awe Nat no… I just need a moment to myself, don’t-”

“You get an hour, after that, the doors will open.”

The redhead strutted out of the workshop and Tony sighed. Shit. 

  
  


* * *

> _glupyy_ = stupid
> 
> _brat_ = brother

* * *

  
  


Dammit. He _did_ love the two supersoldiers. He just didn’t think- shit.

Did they love him as well?

Tony sighed and looked at his watch. He only had a few minutes left.

He knew Natasha wouldn’t lie to him about something like this, or share it unless she was absolutely sure.

The two of them held so much Love though, Tony didn’t think he was worth all that much.

“Sir? Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers are requesting entrance.”

Tony ran a hand over his face. “Let them in, J.”

The engineer had moved to sit behind his desk, he had tried- and failed- to distract himself and settle his mind with some work. He was about to wipe the holograms away when he caught the amazed look in James’ eyes. Anytime the brunet came down here he’d be in awe of the blue projections and this time wasn’t any different. 

Tony left the holograms up but did push his chair to the side so he could look at the two superheroes without anything blocking the view. “What brings the super beefs to my not-so-humble abode?” he asked with his usual grin.

Steve and Bucky shared a look before Bucky nodded and stepped forward. “We want to apologise.”

Wait, what?

“We never meant to make you uncomfortable in your own home. _I_ never meant to-”

“Whoa whoa whoa, what the hell is going on?” Tony asked confused, eyes flickering from one man to the other.

Bucky looked uncomfortable and had his hands shoved into his pockets instead of poking the holograms like he usually did.

“It must make you uncomfortable to know I’m- I _like_ you, and Nat said she told you, and I tried to hide it, but now you know. I promise I won’t bother you with it, I won’t-”

This was all going a bit too fast and Tony had no idea what was going on. He held up a hand to silence Bucky and motioned to the empty chairs. “Sit down and tell me what’s going on because I don’t feel uncomfortable around you, Aguilar de Nerha, so you might have to explain why the hell you think I do.”

Steve suddenly looked a little panicked while Bucky almost fell onto the chair, looking like his knees had gone weak.

“Tony? I thought- we thought you _knew_ …” Yeah, Steve was clearly panicking and Tony was shocked, he had never seen the captain like that.

“Well, maybe I’m a bit denser than I thought. You two are together, I didn’t see a reason why you would let me join a perfectly healthy relationship. It’s a big risk and why would you-”

“What? No- Tony, we meant- I mean- we like you. But- shit…”

“I killed your parents,” Bucky blurted out as Steve tried to stumble through an ‘explanation’.

Tony blinked a few times in surprise and then nodded carefully, “yes… I know? I thought we were talking about your unexpected crush on my charming self?”

As quickly as the panic had shown up on Steve’s face, as quickly was it replaced with harsh relief. The big blond sagged down on a chair next to Bucky and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “ _Fuck_ , Tony, we thought you would feel uncomfortable knowing we like-liked you due to Bucky’s… past.”

“Language,” Tony said automatically, smiling at the eyeroll he got in return. “Okay, so this conversation was a mess. My turn; I like you both, I knew the Winter Soldier killed my parents hours after Shield fell, point two does not change point one.”

Bucky leaned forward in his chair, a frown on his face, “how can you say that so easily? It’s a wonder you didn’t throw me out, but to just- I- what I did was-”

“Was not you,” Tony interrupted gently. “I know it doesn’t feel that way, but it was the Winter Soldier who killed them, not you. Besides, I’ve known for months now, I swear I’m fine. Ask Pepper, I even talked to a psychiatrist about it.”

“And they say miracles don’t exist,” Steve sassed, his good humour slowly coming back.

“Oh beat it, Rogers, we’re all a fucking mess here.”

The three men sat in silence for a moment, just taking in the new information.

“So why _did_ you guys come down here? Just to apologise for _like-liking_ me?” Tony couldn’t help but ask when he noticed Bucky had relaxed a little.

“Well…” Steve started hesitantly, “Nat said you knew we liked you, and you’ve been avoiding us…”

“...you locked yourself in your workshop after my little speech,” Bucky continued. “We assumed you had figured out I liked you and was freaking out.”

“Okay,” Tony said with a nod, finally having a proper overview of the situation. “My little freakout had nothing to do with any _feelings_ , I honestly didn’t realise until Natasha told me. I just- I have issues?”

Steve snorted amused and Tony pushed him against his shoulder. “Hey, only I get to laugh at my own lack of sanity.”

“Come on Shellhead, we all have issues. I had _no_ Love when we met. I was a dick and-”

“And you already apologised for that. Look, I like you guys, you guys like me, what do you want to _do_ with that?” Tony asked carefully, trying to push them to make their point. He’d be fine with just ignoring it all and staying friends. Well... he _could_ be fine, eventually. Whatever pain he’d go through after being rejected would be worth saving their friendship though.

“We want to try to be… more.” That was Steve alright, still awkward when talking about relationships.

Luckily, he had Bucky around to be the voice of reason. “We want to date you, doll. See where it goes.”

Tony nodded after a moment of thought. This was probably a horrible idea, but he was known for his bad ideas. “Alright, just… keep in mind that I can’t give you any more Love. I don’t- that’s all I’ve got. I’m not-” Tony was tapping against his arc reactor, “I’m not taking Love away from the others just to give to you.” He _wouldn’t_. The Avengers were his family, they deserved a part of his Love, even if it was small.

Bucky and Steve both smiled warmly at him, but it was Steve who walked towards Tony and rested a hand on his hip. “May I?” 

Oh. Tony wasn’t used to the whole sweet courting thing, but he could run with that. “Go for it, Capsicle.”

The blond smiled and gently tugged Tony closer before cupping his cheek with his free hand and kissing him softly.

Tony was all ready to keep kissing, but Steve kept it at a sweet soft kiss before he was pulling back and moving away to- oh. Bucky took his place easily, using both hands to touch Tony’s face, cupping his neck and running a hand through his hair like he couldn’t help but reach out. 

Tony smiled and nodded when steel blue eyes looked at him questioningly. James kissed him with a bit more intent, an edge of hunger to it which Steve hadn’t shown. Like Yin and Yang, 

When his kiss with Bucky ended way too soon, he quickly caught Steve watching them both.

The engineer raised one smug eyebrow and Steve shrugged shamelessly. “You two look really swell- _good_ together, I should have brought my sketch pad.”

Tony snorted, “ _Swell_? Oh, I am _so_ not letting that go, I can’t believe you still talk like an old man.”

“Technically I’m younger than you, Shellhead.”

“ _Literally_ you are almost a hundred years _old_.”

Bucky facepalmed in the background and just pulled Tony closer, right into a hug. “Stop bickering and kiss me some more instead. Let Stevie over there watch like the pervert he is.”

Tony laughed at the indignant look on Steve’s face and leaned against Bucky, feeling surprisingly comfortable with the new level of intimacy between them.

Bucky was holding him close and stuck his tongue out when Steve crossed his arms.

“Go on then, I’m waiting,” Steve teased, making Tony flush just a little.

“Don’t worry He-Man, you can draw us later, after… let’s say date three mmm? At _least_ buy me coffee first.”

Now Steve had a soft pink hue to his cheeks while Bucky and Tony both smirked.

“You’re an absolute _menace_.”

“And you still Love me,” Tony said, aiming for smug, but landing on something much softer.

Steve’s smile softened and he joined his two brunets. “I do, I love you _both_. With all my Love.”

* * *

Tony walked into the kitchen uncharacteristically early in the morning, hair a mess and borrowed pyjama pants barely hanging onto his hips. He yawned and promptly collapsed on a chair in the kitchen, resting his head on his arms and closing his eyes again.

The warm scent of fresh pancakes filled the kitchen as soft humming could be heard in the background. Steve smiled at his sleepy boyfriend- _boyfriend_ \- and placed a plate of pancakes and a mug of coffee in front of him, then followed a similar action with the empty seat next to him.

While Tony mumbled something resembling a _thank you_ and sipped his hot coffee, another sleepy brunet came shuffling into the kitchen. 

Steve wondered how he ended up with _two_ boyfriends who hated early mornings, but fondly kissed the top of their heads anyway. 

Tony was leaning against Bucky’s shirtless shoulder while trying to steal his coffee, while Bucky was trying to convince Tony to eat something.

Steve knew he had a sappy smile on his face but didn’t care. This was his life now, and he wouldn’t trade it for any Love in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think :)


End file.
